Day of Mourning
by Someone Say Titans
Summary: There comes a day after every expedition outside the walls that nearly everyone dreads, yet in a sense, they can't function without it. It gives a sort of closure for the fallen soldiers. To a soldier, the Day of Mourning is one of the most important days of the year.
1. Day of Mourning (Levi's POV)

AN: Curled up in a ball of feels listening to Say Something was a great way to get inspiration. Nice going, emotions! *high five* I also suggest you put on a slow sad song as you read. Oh, and I apologize in advance for a bit of OOCness.

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><p><strong><span>Summary:<span>**

There comes a day after every expedition outside the walls that nearly everyone dreads, yet in a sense, they can't function without it. It gives a sort of closure for the fallen soldiers. To a soldier, the Day of Mourning is one of the most important days of the year.

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><p>Levi had never really participated in the day of mourning. He had had no reason to. No one too terribly close to him had fallen... Until that year.<p>

He remembered it like the back of his hand; vivid images flashed through his nightmares, paralyzing him with fear. The horrendous ends to his squad.

Levi hated himself for it, but these people- these brilliantly talented people -had grown closer to him in the last few years than anyone else has. Petra, Oluo, Günther, and Eld slowly had become his best friends. And now they were gone.

When the time finally came to mourn, Levi didn't act as usual: staying close to the castle, watching with boredom, waiting for the midnight hour to come so he could leave and get back to work. He walked out into the fields, and sat down far away from the rest of the Scouting Legion.

During the day of mourning, each soldier that felt the need to mourn would position themselves out in the grass and talk to whomever they felt like. A deceased parent, sibling, a friend, anyone important to them that was no longer around to share a friendly smile, toss them a knowing glance, or even to have frequent yet enjoyable arguments with. In short, anyone special.

Levi had picked a spot a great distance from the castle under a cherry tree. He didn't begin his mourning right away- nor did he want to. Instead, he looked at the grass. Took in every little detail. Anything to distract his mind. Sadly, it took a great heap to distract Humanity's Strongest.

The grass a deep and lush green, budding with flowers here and there. Cherry blossoms fell from the cherry tree and dotted the landscape. The springtime was coloring everything happily, almost as if to distract the soldiers from the sadness that blanketed he area heavily.

"What am I even doing..?"

Levi's voice was low and rough from not speaking at all that day. He reached out to lift a fallen cherry blossom from the ground and cup it in his hands.

"You're supposed to be mourning, Levi. Say something memorable."

Levi crushed the blossom in his palm, clenching his teeth to keep from speaking, even so, against his will.

"Dammit! Why were you so stupid?!"

Levi dropped the crushed pink petals into the grass, a few of them scattering away in the wind, leaving behind scents of sugar. He sighed heavily. His eyes gave a soft look, despite the aggravated tone in his voice.

"I... I'm sorry. Your deaths were my fault. I have no one to blame but myself. I'm sorry."

The wind tousled his hair comfortingly. Slowly, Levi's vision blurred. It was an odd feeling to him. At first, he didn't know what was going on. Then he realized.

Tears fell down his face and slid down his cheeks, leaving shining wet trails in their paths. Levi remained silent as he cried, thanking himself for picking a spot far away from the rest of the soldiers. He wouldn't have wanted anyone to see him like this; a frail ball of emotions that he ever so seldom show.

"I need you to forgive me. Please. Know it wasn't my fault. Yet blame me fully. I can be held responsible. Just know that I cared about you all, more than anyone else."

The tears stopped flowing around twilight. The moon's soft glow highlighted his cheeks silver, the night air chilling his bones.

Levi was silent and watched the moon rise for a while, just as he had done so many times with Eld. Eld would have made joke after joke to try to make the corporal crack a smile, but never prevailed. He regretted not acknowledging the admiration of his teammate earlier.

"Teammate, I enjoy saying that," Levi gazed at the clouds, "Teammate. As if I aren't his superior and we were equals. I enjoy that a lot."

He couldn't remain staring at the night sky for too long, however. The dark colors reminded him too much of Günther's hearty laugh, the laugh that so often rang out in the castle, spreading warmth to all who heard.

Oluo wouldn't laugh along with Günther most of the time.

"He was too busy imitating me," Levi chuckled.

A thought struck him. Oluo had, yes, probably imitated him because he wanted to catch Petra's attention, but maybe, just maybe, he did it out of some form of respect. Oluo could have easily wanted to gain Petra's attention just as well as his own.

"Tch. Even more regret."

After slowly folding in on himself, Levi finally allowed himself to think of Petra. Oh, how he longed to hear her call his name, just at least one more time.

"So... You wanted to marry me, huh?"

Levi's voice cracked towards the end of his sentence, yet he refused to cry and kept speaking into the ever-deepening night sky.

"It wasn't such a bad idea. To be honest with you..." He stopped. The day of mourning was about talking to the fallen, but they couldn't really hear him, right? ... He continued anyway.

"To be honest with you, I would have married you the second I got the chance. If you had only told me before-"

Levi choked up, but swallowed the lump in his throat and kept on in a much lower voice.

"... Before you were killed."

Levi's words seemed to echo in his mind, across the cherry tree, over the grass, and back to the castle.

After a long bout of silence, something rose in his throat. Rage.

Levi screamed. As loud is he could, louder than he'd ever before. He was yelling at nothing but the clouds. Spewing his anger towards the birds humming in the trees. Crying to the moon; maybe the moon had called back.

Glistening tears ran down his cheeks like a river. Sobs racked Levi's throat and interrupted his fit to the sky, but that didn't stop him. Crying and screaming all at the same time, he couldn't keep track of what he was doing. He was gripping the grass so tightly that he was pulling it out of the earth, but he didn't notice.

Levi yelled and yelled and cried and cried until he had nothing left. Slowly, he realized what he had done. He covered his mouth and his eyes widened. Why had he just exploded in that many emotions? It was unlike him to show much of anything, much less have a fit. Yet he felt good about it.

The absence of sound was almost frightening after Levi had stopped yelling so abruptly. He sat in fear of himself, unsure of what he would do next.

He did exactly what he was afraid of doing next; a single forgotten tear slid down his face.

At that very moment, Levi had never in his entire life felt so alone.


	2. Day of Mourning (Unknown POV)

AN: This isn't the chapter I had originally planned, but I like this conclusion much better. Honestly, I hadn't really planned on adding another chapter, but one morning I woke up like, "Wait what if I HOLY CRAP LETS DO IT!" So. This will definitely drive the feels home.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter Summary:<span>**

There's always someone there that you don't realize.

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><p>They watched Levi sit down under the cherry tree. He was quiet for a long time, for so long that they almost thought he had fallen asleep. His eyes were closed, but he slowly opened them when he spoke.<p>

"What am I even doing..?"

They looked at him sadly. There were three men and a woman watching, and the woman sat down next to him and smiled.

"You don't normally do this, do you?"

Levi didn't hear the woman. Instead, he kept talking to himself.

"You're supposed to be mourning, Levi. Say something memorable."

Two of the three men chuckled at his struggling, while the third shushed them quickly. It was then that the woman noticed that Levi was holding a small cherry blossom in his hand. She was about to reach out to cup it within her own, but Levi clenched his fist, smashing the blossom. She sighed.

"Dammit! Why were you so stupid?!"

For a split second, one of the men thought Levi was talking to them, but then relaxed slightly when he realized he was talking to himself.

The woman was trying to console Levi while one of the men was helping her, but she had no results. The man helping her looking into his eyes, but they weren't crackling with anger, as they had so many times before. They were glazed over with regret.

"I... I'm sorry. Your deaths were my fault. I have no one to blame but myself. I'm sorry."

One of the men leaned down to Levi and ruffled his hair. Levi was quiet for a few seconds, before the tears began to fall down his face.

"No, no no no! Ssh! Don't cry. It's not worth it! You're not to blame! You have to understand that!"

The woman frantically tried to wipe the tears away, but they wouldn't budge.

"He can't hear you."

The first man spoke bluntly to the woman.

"I... I know."

The second man lifted the woman up onto her feet.

"I need you to forgive me. Please. Know it wasn't my fault. Yet blame me fully. I can be held responsible. Just know that I cared about you all, more than anyone else."

Levi spoke up in the silence. The woman stifled a sob. Two of the men exchanged sad glances, while the other sat down next to Levi.

"We've all forgiven you, Levi. And..." The man paused, insecure about what he was about to say next, even though Levi couldn't hear him, "And it makes us all feel better and warms our hearts to know that you feel like that."

One man folded his arms across his chest and nodded, "And no matter what, we always cared about you too."

The third man walked around to the front of Levi and looked him straight in the eye.

"You were my teammate. How would we not have forgiven you?"

Levi cracked a small smile, almost as if he had heard him. He mouthed something to himself before speaking aloud.

"Teammate. I enjoy saying that," Levi shifted his gaze up into the sky, "Teammate. As if I aren't his superior and we were equals. I enjoy that a lot."

The man grinned.

Levi quickly looked down at his hands. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"He was too busy imitating me," a small laugh came from Levi's throat. One of the men gawked and frowned.

"I wasn't imitating you... Just merely-"

"Tch. Even more regret."

The man was interrupted. His angered expression quickly softened.

"Just merely appreciating you."

Levi curled up slightly. He hunched his shoulders, but then relaxed.

"So... You wanted to marry me, huh?"

The woman blushed profusely.

"My father must have been blabbering. You weren't supposed to hear abo-"

Levi sat up and looked at the branches of the cherry tree, stopping the woman's frantic sputtering. The other three men had noticed the crack in Levi's voice, yet, in her embarrassment, the woman hasn't.

"It wasn't such a bad idea. To be honest with you..."

All four of the people surrounding Levi leaned in to hear what he was going to say next.

"To be honest with you, I would have married you the second I got the chance. If you had only told me before-"

The woman gasped slightly, with silver tears decorating the corners of her eyes. Levi swallowed hard and kept speaking.

"Before you were killed."

Killed. The words stung in the fours' ears like venom in a snake's fang. They had never thought to long and hard about how they had passed, but the words coming from their superior's mouth scared them slightly.

They didn't wallow in their sadness for too long, however. It was a scream that interrupted their thoughts. Levi had screamed. Long and hard, running the breath from his lungs.

"Don't keep your mouth open for too long, you'll catch flies."

The woman repeated something Levi had once taken pride in saying. It didn't even sway him.

Levi screamed and wailed and cried to his heart's content, and quite possibly even his heart's discontent.

The four frantically tried to keep him from sobbing. They were rubbing his back and stroking his hair and even whispering words of closure into his ear. Nothing worked. It wasn't like the dead had much say on what happened in the living world, anyway.

The woman had an idea. She shooed the others away from Levi in a brief fashion and sat down in the dirt. She leaned over to whisper something in his ear that only he could hear.

"We all love you very, very much. Don't ever forget that. Don't ever even think about forgetting that. We love you and we're always with you. Always remember we are with you."

Levi stopped screaming after the woman's words. She wasn't sure if he had heard her, or if he had just stopped, but he had stopped nonetheless.

"All better?"

They watched Levi cover his mouth in horror at what he had just done. He was pale and looked just about as un-Levi-like as possible.

A small tear slid down his face.

"Don't ever forget."

Petra Ral, Oluo Bossard, Günther Schultz, and Eld Jinn sat next to Levi for the rest of the night, and all the way through sunrise.

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><p><em><span>FIN<span>_


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